They Write Letters

Fan letters are great, but in some ways a really outraged letter is even better. A correspondent unimpressed by my treatment of the Dark Knight writes:

Here’s an idea for your next Batman book – try writing about Batman. I’m on page 214 and stopped caring about Enfer ages ago. I thought the purpose of a Batman novelization is to give some deeper insights into said character. If your script [sic] was used for a comic book there’d be, at best, 2 pictures of Batman and we’re already past the fold. Instead I get novel James Gordon spending countless hours trying to determine what comic book James Gordon would have known instantly, and I get some bullshit new villian [sic] that could have been an existing villian [sic] (Firefly) that would have made the book way more interesting.

Anyway, your book sucks but I’ll finish it out of respect for the Batman. Something you obviously lied about in your dedication.

Note for those of you intending to write vitriolic responses to writers in the future: It is not enough to hate the book. Your letter will be incomplete without a completely unfounded personal attack on the author.

5 responses to “They Write Letters”

  1. I read comic books. I’m eleven. I go around the city collecting bottles and cans and cash them in to buy them. My favorites are Batman, Spiderman, and Savage Dragon.Many times I steal the comics because I can hardly ever afford them.The heroes in the comics that I covet are good guys. Batman, Spiderman and Savage Dragon would have all worked to stop my comic crime sprees.I now have mixed feelings about the comic industry. They are promoting adolesent crime. Have you seen the price of a comic book latley? When you pay that much or even gamble with the risk of going to jail when you shop lift you want it to be worth it.It better be worth it. Here I am ripping you off Mr. Irvine when I swiped your book from Walmart a few months ago yet when I read it I was the one who felt ripped off.It wasn’t worth the risk. But I’ll tell you what was…


  2. Okay,One King and One Soldier, and that book of short stories you did I don’t have it handy so I can’t check the title. Those are the only books I’ve actually read by you.Great books but no worth stealing, I enjoy my freedom.I understand a few things.First, I know you wrote that Batman book under a considerable short deadline. You also have a teaching job.You finished the book in the time you had to do it.Never did really steal anything from you. Just wanted to get into it.People should not steal. A book or a comic is never worth it.But I don’t mind stealing bread.Also if a person is that obsesed with Batman they need to re-evaluate their life and priorities.Otherwise they are getting pretty darn close to whorshipping a fasle idol.Happens all the time in our culture.I like stories about ordinary people who find themselves in extraordinary circumstances and discover that they aren’t so ordinary after all.The thing about Batman is that he had no super powers. Very easy to relate to for the reader. However if you become to indentified with the heroe then you run the risk of becming obsessed and you might find yourself running around your city in tights looking for muggers to beat up, in which case you will probably get yourself killedI never really read your Batman book. I don’t like buying books online so I do it as a last resort. I hav’nt been able to find it in any stores even if I did want to steal it.Anyway I’m told the storie is more about the villians than it is about the heroe. Hey that sounds cool to me, Batman is more of a force of nature like black ice or something. I don’t think the person who said your book sucks was being completley honest.One King and One Soldier was very creative. I thought the whole college scene was hillarious because that’s college in a nut sehll. There were some really good stories in the other one. Dang what’s the name of that book. Oh well I like Peter Skilling. That was interesting. I’m actually working on a paper having to do with authors paranoia about the future of dystopian theocracies. Do we have cause to be worried? But I don’t ewant to get into that write now, however I will suggest Mr. Irvine that if you ever do a full novel about a dystopian theocracy please try and be realistic.Many will be decieved but no all of us. Try and have few of us in there. Because it’s not fair. I have to stop before I go off.


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